Healthy Sexual Function

Consent is agreement or permission expressed through affirmative, voluntary words or actions that are mutually understandable to all parties involved, to engage in a specific sexual act at a specific time. Consent cannot be given by someone who is incapacitated (unable to understand the facts, nature, extent or implications of the situation due to alcohol, drugs, a mental disability, being asleep or unconscious. Remember NO person has the right to use or abuse another individual.

An orgasm is the point at which all the tension in your body is suddenly released in a series of involuntary muscle contractions. Although the definition seems clear, an orgasm is a unique experience for every person. It can even feel different for the same individual, if the stimulation, partner or position is different. It is important that you feel comfortable with yourself and not worry about what your friends have told you or what you think you are supposed to feel. Sometimes, worrying about whether or not you are going to orgasm makes your body tenser and actually prevents you from having an orgasm.

There is nothing wrong with your partner. In a U.S. probability sample of women ages 18 to 94, 37% reported needing some clitoral stimulation in order to experience an orgasm, whereas only 18% reported that vaginal intercourse was enough (Herbenick, Fu, Arter, Sanders & Dodge, 2017). In a heterosexual relationship, the man may reach orgasm more quickly than his female partner and the couple may end intercourse before the woman has had an opportunity to orgasm. Another possibility is that a thrusting penis or other object may not be enough stimulation and more direct stimulation of the clitoris may be needed as mentioned before. Alternate positions and activities, such as manual or oral stimulation, may be pleasurable to the point of orgasm.

Sometimes, it is easier for an individual to have an orgasm while masturbating. First, you may feel more relaxed when masturbating than when you are with a partner. We often feel a lot of pressure to act a certain way or to do a certain thing when we are with someone else. This pressure can cause the body to become so tense that achieving orgasm would be extremely difficult, perhaps even impossible. Or perhaps you are concentrating too hard on your partner’s pleasure and are not focusing on your pleasure as much. Finally, when you masturbate, you may be touching yourself in a way that your partner does not or cannot replicate.

There is no danger in masturbating. Masturbation can be an excellent source of sexual relief and does not thwart your ability to engage in other sexual activities.

Almost all individuals experience pain with sex at some point in their life. For women, some common causes of pain include insufficient lubrication – the vagina is not wet enough to be able to handle the insertion of the penis, toy or finger. Using lubrication can help with this issue. A local condition, such as a yeast infection, may become irritated by the penis, object or finger also causing discomfort. Treat any yeast infections before engaging in sexual activity. Sometimes spermicides cause irritation. A tightness around the vaginal opening may be a source of pain as well, and can be caused by tension or lack of arousal.

During or around ovulation, the area surrounding the ovaries may be sensitive causing painful intercourse. A pain deep in the pelvis could also be caused by several physical reasons, such as endometriosis, cysts on the ovaries or an infection in the cervix, uterus or fallopian tube. All of the conditions listed above are treatable.

Also, there is a condition called vaginismus, the involuntary tightening of vaginal muscles near the opening that makes any form of penetration difficult or impossible. Such a condition is usually a physical response to a fear of penetration and is treatable.

Men can also experience pain during sex; it usually occurs with ejaculation and sometimes with erection. If his partner is dry, he could also experience skin irritations. Any of these difficulties should be discussed with his health care provider.

No, sometimes an individual can get skin irritations during masturbation or having rough sex with a partner, particularly if the skin is dry. However, any unexplained bumps, sores, or breaks in the skin should be examined by a healthcare provider. An appointment should be made while the area is sore or irritated.

Here are some suggestions to increase this time:

• Increase the frequency of ejaculation through masturbation.
• Using a condom can also increase the time of erection to ejaculation because it decreases the sensitivity of the penis.

There are other, more specific techniques, which can be used. All require good communication with a partner. Listed below are two different techniques:

• A common one is the start-stop method. The penis is manually stimulated, but stopped before ejaculation until the feeling subsides. The stimulation is started again and continued until just before ejaculation and again stopped. After three times, the penis can be stimulated to the point of ejaculation.
• Another method to try is the squeeze method. Similar to the start-stop method, it may help to reduce premature ejaculation. The squeeze method involves masturbating up until the point right before ejaculation, and gently squeezing and holding between the shaft and tip of the penis with the thumb and forefinger to prevent ejaculation.