Coping with Starting College
A well-known psychiatrist once said that much of life is about loss. So it is with starting college. The exhilaration, hope, and excitement you feel are sometimes more than tinged with sadness as you come to grips with what you are leaving behind. In addition to leaving friends and family, you are moving from a familiar setting where you have an identity and are probably secure with your knowledge of your community and how it works.
You may have approached leaving home with a sense of relief and adventure, some anxiety and uncertainty, or most likely a mixture of these kinds of feelings.
Students often forget to remind themselves that these mixed feelings are normal. Other students around you are in all likelihood feeling something similar.
You have probably noticed this already, but sons and daughters leaving home can be tough on parents as well. Regardless of the structure of your family, things can be challenging. One coping strategy that has helped many freshmen is to arrange home-related things to look forward to every third weekend or so. These might include visits from families or trips to see friends on other campuses.
Leaving friends behind involves more than the disruption of friendships. Again, like much in life, it involves a mixture of loss and opportunity. The losses can include moving away from friends with whom you have shared experiences or moving away from romantic partners. You may be facing the challenges of a long-distance relationship. It is hard to leave people with whom you have a shared history.
It hurts to be separated from old friends. But starting college also offers you a lot of exciting opportunities. You can:
- Make friends with a wider variety of people, people from large and small communities from all over the world, with widely varied interests.
- Experiment with different parts of yourself, especially those parts you kept hidden because they weren't "cool."
- Blend the old and new. Remind yourself of the pleasures of introducing new friends to your friends from home.
Leaving a Comfort Zone
You probably had a role in your high school community that was comfortable and helped you fit in. Moving to a large campus where others don't know you, your strengths and weaknesses, or your culture can be a mixed blessing.
It can be uncomfortable. You may experience:
- Identity disruption. Example: "I thought I was special and unique, but the campus is full of people just like me. I don't feel I know who I am."
- Belief challenge. Example: "I was absolutely certain that I knew exactly what I believed. I still am pretty sure of some basic things, but I have read and heard some fascinating ideas that have got my mind going."