Traumatic events can deeply impact your life. If you're feeling lost, confused, or even angry, you are not alone—we're here to help guide you through your emotions while dealing with a heavy loss.
When terrible things happen
| Reaction | Negative responses | Positive responses |
|---|---|---|
| Cognitive | Confusion, disorientation, worry, intrusive thoughts and images, self-blame | Determination and resolve, sharper perception, courage, optimism, faith |
| Emotional | Shock, sorrow, grief, sadness, fear, anger, numb, irritability, guilt, shame | Feeling involved, challenged, mobilized |
| Social | Extreme withdrawal, interpersonal conflict | Social connectedness, altruistic helping behaviors |
| Physiological | Fatigue, headache, muscle tension, stomachache, increased heart rate, exaggerated startle response, difficulties sleeping | Alertness, readiness to respond, increased energy |
Common negative reactions that may continue for some time after the event
- Having distressing thoughts or images of the event while awake or dreaming
- Having upsetting emotional or physical reactions to reminders of the experience
- Feeling like the experience is happening all over again and getting flashbacks
- Avoiding talking, thinking, and having feelings about the traumatic event
- Avoiding reminders of the event (for example, places and people connected to what happened)
- Having restricted emotions or feeling numb
- Having feelings of detachment and estrangement from others, dealing with social withdrawal
- Losing interest in usually pleasurable activities
- Constantly being “on the lookout” for danger, startling easily, or being jumpy
- Feeling irritable, having outbursts of anger, or feeling on edge
- Difficulty falling or staying asleep, having nightmares, having problems concentrating or paying attention
- Having reactions to places, people, sights, sounds, smells, and feelings that are reminders of the event
- Dealing with reminders that bring on distressing mental images, thoughts, and emotional/physical reactions
- Common examples include: sudden loud noises, sirens, locations where the event occurred, funerals, anniversaries of the event, and television/radio news about the event
- Feeling enhanced appreciation that family and friends are precious and important
- Meeting the challenge of addressing difficulties (by taking positive action steps, changing the focus of thoughts, and using humor or acceptance)
- Shifting expectations about what to expect from day to day and about what is considered a “good day”
- Feeling increased commitment to self, family, friends, and spiritual/religious faith
When a loved one dies, common reactions include:
- Feeling confused, numb, disbelief, bewildered, or lost
- Feeling angry at the person who died or at people considered responsible for the death
- Strong physical reactions such as nausea, fatigue, shakiness, and muscle weakness
- Feeling guilty for still being alive
- Intense emotions such as extreme sadness, anger, or fear
- Increased risk for physical illness and injury
- Decreased productivity or difficulty making decisions
- Having thoughts about the person who died, even when you don’t want to
- Longing for, missing, and wanting to search for the person who died
- Seeing or hearing the deceased loved one when you are alone
What helps
- Talking to another person for support or spending time with others
- Engaging in positive distracting activities (sports, hobbies, reading)
- Getting adequate rest and eating healthy meals
- Trying to maintain a normal schedule
- Scheduling pleasant activities
- Taking breaks
- Focusing on something practical that you can do right now to manage the situation better
- Using relaxation methods (breathing exercises, meditation, calming self-talk, soothing music)
- Participating in a support group
- Exercising in moderation
- Keeping a journal
- Seeking counseling
What doesn't help
- Using alcohol or drugs to cope
- Extreme avoidance of thinking or talking about the event or death of a loved one
- Violence or conflict
- Overeating or failing to eat
- Excessive TV or computer games
- Blaming others
- Working too much
- Extreme withdrawal from family or friends
- Generally not taking care of yourself
- Doing risky things (driving recklessly, substance abuse, not taking adequate precautions)
- Withdrawing from pleasant activities
Adapted from Psychological First Aid-Field Operations Guide and National Child Traumatic Stress Network-National Center for PTSD.